Deadlines...

About four months ago, my wife and I embarked on a remodeling odyssey. In the past, we've taken on other remodeling jobs at this and our first home. Experience has taught us that, whatever the project, large or small, it will inevitably take longer, cost more, and leave us angrier than even our most pessimistic expectations. Two years ago, we added a loft above our garage. The contractor said it would take four to six weeks to complete. Right. Three months later, we were waiting to see a finished product. Call me crazy, but a room needs floor covering. At our first house, we remodeled our kitchen. A six week estimate turned into another four-month journey.

Our most recent undertaking involved putting built-in bookshelves into our 'TV room,' a room aptly named because, well, it is where our TV is. (Ever notice how we name rooms for their most prominent fixture... the bathroom has a bath, the bedroom has a bed and a kitchen has -- well, that went to hell quickly.) Anyway, in addition to the bookcases, we needed flat-screen TV and electronics installation, track lighting installation, and finally painting in the completed room. All in all, a pretty simple job, and that wasn't just our opinion. The contractor said it "should only take about a week to finish the work after the bookcases are installed."

Well, in less than a week, the bookcases were built and installed --the bookcase guy was phenomenal, by the way. But this is where our nightmare began. By our estimate, we'd have use of the room in 'less than a week.' I'll spare you the details and let you know that it's now four months later and we are still not completely done with the room. I've never heard so many excuses from a contractor and his subcontractors for not showing up to finish a job. Vacations, trucks breaking down, holidays, missed phone messages, family emergencies, the weather... you name it, I heard it.

Now, I don't think my wife and I ever really expected him to meet his deadline, but I think its fair to say you can't miss a one-week deadline by four months. Call me difficult. Quite simply, there's no other occupation in the world where you can get away with being so colossally inefficient.

I'm a writer by trade. My life is dictated by deadlines. Deadlines I ALWAYS meet. Maybe that's why I give so much credibility and importance to them. If I don't meet a deadline, my reputation suffers. To me, that's important. To contractors, it is apparently not. In all my years of writing, I have never missed a deadline. Never. I can't imagine a scenario where I promise my boss a completed document in a week, only to call him, oh, two weeks after that deadline and say, "Look, man, I'm just as frustrated you are. If it was up to me, it would have been done a week ago, but my hard drive has been acting up, my spell-check had a family emergency, my printer won't answer his phone or return a call. And don't get me started on the "s" button on my laptop which seemsssss to be ssssssssticking. But know this: I will not be using the letter "s" in any of my future documents." No, I continue to work, because I try to excel at my profession and respect the notion of a deadline.

But I guess in the world of contractors and building remodelers, we homeowners are so enamoured by the finished product that we forget about the headaches along the way. Maybe. I think most people are fundamentally afraid of confrontation so, like me, they sit back, wait, listen to blatant lies and fabrications, grow angry, and wait some more.

I have never used the same contractor twice. Someday archaeologists will find the hiding spot of the Holy Grail. Someday they'll find proof of life on other planets. And maybe, just maybe someone will find a contractor who can meet a deadline. If you find one, let me know. It seems I always have a project I'm willing to overpay for. And if he turns out to be just like all the other contractors in the world? Well, I'll retaliate by writing a very unflattering blog post about him and his profession. Take that.